I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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