Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
