she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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