Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
