well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need to calm my uterus...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
