I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
