maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
