are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
