Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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