i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
