hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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