you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm at about main and main street
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
