Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
