Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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