I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
