We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
