If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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