gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
