how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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