to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
