I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
