I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
