so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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