Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
