Jerry, you need to find god
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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