Can i not drive my cunt home
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
