do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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