I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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