Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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