it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
