there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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