im six kinds of drunk right now
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
