i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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