Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
