dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
