I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
