I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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