I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
