:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
