I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
