is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
