I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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