Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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