Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
