we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
