Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
