The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
