Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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