Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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