I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
