I love watching others lives come down to our level.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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