I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
